010: At Times.

Location: Home
Mood: Tired but clear-minded

It seems a lil harder to start, but i think we all need to take our first “baby step”. Life isn’t always about receiving with thanks, sometimes we need to give too.

The Wind visited me this morning. She took the Rain with her. Whispering in my ears “She wants you to know… She will be there.” Rain then gave me a kiss on the face.

“I know she will be yours someday, just give it some time.
And one day when she is ready,
She will appear in front of you again,
And your future will begin.”

So i pull myself out of bed feeling sucky and pathetic. Looking in to the mirror, I smiled. The strong positive-ness in me will not allow me to sink, as strong as an ox, “Let’s move on,” he said.

After washing up, I turned on my 2 laptops – work + personal. Telling myself, it’s just tough to walk, but i’ll recover, Kins assured me. I have many things to accomplish in the next 4 years. I’ve found the partner i wanna spend my life with, she is just currently unavailable.

Mok called at 4am, for new business opportunities and I turned her down and told her why. She wants to know the full story, like my other close friends do. I’m not in a habit of sharing my personal life, but Mok said it’s a form of therapy. So this period of time, whenever i’m feeling down or something, just write it out. At times, i’ll write some bits and pieces of our times together just to keep myself warm. As i mentioned, i have so much to accomplish in the next 4 years.

But here’s some bad points of myself that Kins and I discussed:
1. bad tempered
2. egoistic
3. possessive
4. do lie sometimes (for valid reasons)
5. selfish

So to all hearbroken lovers, don’t give up in Life.
There is so much, so much more to do,
to see,
to play,
to learn,
to have fun,
to fall,
and to stand up once more.

You can choose to wallow in your self-pity and cry that the whole world is unfair to you but God is fair. He gave you a chance to love her and she loved you truly with every space in her heart but you gave it up. You will always meet two sides of the coin and you will definitely wish to keep both sides but honestly, we know one side has to meet the down.

Continue loving her, care for her, give her all the concern. Of course, it’s hard to forget any relationship but you have a something with her that no one can take that away from you. It’s unique, heart-warming and only exclusively belongs to you. I call her “Memories”. Heartbreak is not the end of the world, honestly, i’m not being a loser by saying these but someday, you will fall in love again when the right person (it doesn’t necessay means a different person, she still can be the one).

Some people are pretty dumbasses and they just need a lil more time *silent dig at Kins* to find out on their path of learning love.

Kins said once to me that when you make a decision, you won’t regret because at that point of decision making, you must have weigh out both sides and went ahead with the decision. (Yea, she has those real words of wisdom sometimes..). If both parties are mature adults, i mean give her a call and tell her it’s hard for you to just move on suddenly. Tell her you will try to move on, but you need time.

She will definitely give you the time. I’m sure Kins will always be there for me and continue loving me in her own special way. Strings of attachment don’t cut off in an hour or a few days. It takes awhile, slowly and most importantly, don’t hurt another one’s heart. This relationship is about you and her (the first one), don’t drag someone else in.

You have the rights to tell the world you are unavailable and you have no intention of finding anyone soon. Some people said, the best way to getting over a relationship is to jump into a new one. It’s not a big deal, guys.. I’m sure we can do it..

Kins and i will always share this special bond between us. 10 years ago, now and 10 years later. You can never predict the future, so don’t act like you can. 10 years ago, we got together then till now, we are still together, just in another form.

If you really, really love her so much, don’t give her up. Stand by her, and i’m sure she will be glad to stand by you. So stay tuned to my next entry. Let’s work hard for this girl we love and i always believe in miracles, hope you believe in me too :)

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